Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
