it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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