A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i dont even know how to be here
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize