I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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