So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
