She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
