But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
