Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Randomize
