You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
