i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize