you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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