I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
