i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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