you should give me head with plastic fangs in
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
