She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
