he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
