And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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