This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize