Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
