so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
