Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
