I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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