Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
