I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
me + whiskey = a bad person
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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