i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
