she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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