Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
