If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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