The maid of honor just puked.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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