That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
