im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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