TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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