whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
