the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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