If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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