Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
