During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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