i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Ladies don't puke and tell
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
