i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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