Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
My liver just had a heart attack.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
