im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
