So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
