hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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