U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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