Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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