i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize