dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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