If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
no, he came in my armpit
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The air was thick with penises
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
i think my cat just said my name.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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