I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
