i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
