The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
babies were throwing up all over the place
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
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