planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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