man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
