Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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