if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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