Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
