this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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