Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize