Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
