Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
