Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm drive I can fine osifer
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
