You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize