STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
