I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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