return my video game
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
