she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize