There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
