sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
