Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
