what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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